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Funny Video | Late Show Free Photo Booth

These are actual church bulletin quotes or announcements made from the pulpit. Hope you enjoy…

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ‘Break Forth Into Joy.’

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

I would love to hear your funny church bulletin stories too. Feel free to leave your comments below…

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Funny Church Bulletins

I started out by logging into the Twitter website and checking my tweets every few hours — then I needed to get my updates on my desktop so I moved to Twhirl — finally, I added the more feature-rich TweetDeck — now I’ve gone completely mobile with TwitterBerry.

I’ve got a few good friends on Twitter, but I really enjoy reading and keeping up with people I’ve never met before. To find out who I follow, you can check out my Twitter profile.

There are so many different types of personalities on Twitter. I can tell you that I don’t agree with everything they say and definitely wouldn’t say that I endorse the people I follow… they’re just interesting. Different strokes, different folks.

Plus, Twitter is a great communications tool. You can keep up with what’s going on at the latest conference, the news in your hometown, or get the latest scoop. Just this evening, @joecook from Oklahoma sent me a tweet saying he saw my Dad. That’s just kinda cool, isn’t it?

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Addicted To Twitter

I’m impressed with LA Fitness. It has all the equipment you could need and several extra nice features. After you pay the enrollment fee, you can’t beat the monthly premium. Nice kids facility too.

We visited another gym in our area, but it was twice the price. After sitting in the lobby for 45 minutes waiting on our “appointment”, we just got up and left. Sure, they had a nice swimming pool and a rock climbing wall, but I’m not really into all that.

So far, I’ve lost a few pounds and my stress level has gone way down. Sitting in front of the computer all day is great for my SEO and PPC clients because I can take advantage of changes as they happen, but I’ve got to spend a little time at the gym so I can live long enough to see my kids have grown-up kids.

If you’ve got an LA Fitness in your area, I would suggest you at least take a look.

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Working Out Again

Definition: To persist in any purpose or idea, to strive in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or opposition.

Synonyms: persistent, constancy, steadfastness, tenacity, industrious, firmness, determination, stability

Quotes:

Energy and persistance conquer all things. – Benjamin Franklin

Our greatest joy is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail. – Oliver Smith

The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything. – Bishop W.D. McGee

A hundred mistakes are an education if you learn something from each one. – Unknown

The greater the difficulty, the greater the glory. – Unknown

Genius is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration. – Thomas Edison

Nothing can be done except little by little. – Charles Baudlarie

There are two kinds of bright people in this world — those who already know the answers and those who know where to find them. – Marva Collins

It’s not where you start, it’s where you end up. You haven’t failed until you’ve stopped trying. – Unknown

Some people see things and say, “Why?”; I see things and ask, “Why not?” – Robert Kennedy

The man who removes mountains begins by carrying away small stones. – Chinese Proverb

We are never in the land of the done. – Dr. Dooley’s letter to a young doctor

Skill to do comes of doing. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

As long as one keeps searching, the answers come. – Baez

Don’t be afraid to take big steps. You can’t cross a river in two small jumps. – David Lloyd George

Success is not something to wait for, it is something to work for. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. – Arnold H Glasow

Learning is not attained by chance. It must be sought for with ardor and attended to with dilligence. – Abigail Adams

All things are difficult before they are easy. – Thomas Fuller

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Perseverance Part 2